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I can’t help but wonder, was this pop concert the culmination of my healing journey through heartbreak, or rather, the start of a new love cycle?  LISTEN TO THE AUDIO FIELD NOTE VERSION HERE Click to listen The heartbreak journey that takes you down many emotional paths. Depression, displacement—for me, denial that I would ever want to be in love again. And during each stage of my process, the perfect breakup song would seem to serendipitously appear and like a lyrical blanket, insulate my cold heart. Starting with Carol King lamenting, "It's too Late," transitioning into Little Dragon’s, “No Love.” Then it was Peter Tosh bellowing, “Why Must I Cry,” and as of late, “Last Goodbye” by Jeff Buckley. And many, many, other songwriters were there for me too. Yet, these songs are a double-edged sword inadvertently reinforcing despair. The truth is, they made me kind of calloused towards love too. But when I ventured into the Maine Savings Amphitheater at the waterfront in Bangor, Maine to photograph contemporary pop stars JAX, MAX, and Big Time Rush, I feel giddy and carefree, and dare I say, start to see love through a sparkling lens of optimism again. And I can’t help but wonder, was this pop concert the culmination of my healing journey, or rather, the start of a new love cycle? ----- When I arrived at the newly renovated amphitheater to grab my photo pass, chunky clouds were crawling across the sky, the glowing summer sun was dipping behind the galvanized fence, and a cool breeze was coming off the nearby Penobscot River. Hundreds of young people, adorning handmade shirts and clutching bedazzled signs requesting songs or kisses, were patiently sitting, while countless others, wearing perma-grins, continued to stream in. I pulled out my Canon 5D, double checked my batteries, and slid into the photo pit in time for Jax, a 27 year old singer/songwriter from New Jersey who cut her teeth in the pop industry on “American Idol” and as of late, has blown up on TikTok. She bounced onto the stage wearing a ‘90s-inspired tracksuit, giant black platform boots from Hot Topic, and a blonde ponytail with a life of its own. Her songs range from the joys of babysitting and mentorship, slaying ex-boyfriends, and to finding new love. One of my favorite photos that I captured was of Jax and her guitarist, singing back to back, the Forrest Gump and Bubba of power pop. Even her stage banter was wicked fun. But the highlight came when she brought her performance down into the audience. Like a moth to a flame, she was drawn to Michael, a 24-year-old from Boston with a sign that read "I want to sing Victoria's Secret with You!" She sauntered off the stage towards him and together, her and Michael, who had retro Happy Day’s glasses, sang into the mic her hit song, “Victoria’s Secret.” A 21c pop anthem that criticizes the company and its concept of beauty. When I caught up with Michael afterwards he was shaking with joy. Elated. When I asked him why he loved Jax he said, “Because she is so body positive and I just love her genre." Modern pop isn’t typically my go to style of music or genre, but having this new experience lifted my spirits in a way I didn’t expect and I was only one band in, needless to say, I was excited to see MAX perform next. Named a “top popstar to watch” by Billboard magazine, MAX models, acts, and collaborates with K-pop stars like BTS's Suga. He's been on hit Nickelodeon TV shows and movies and recently headlined Seoul Jazz Festival in South Korea. As the roadies plugged in the final XLR chords, the giant screen at the back of the stage lit up in yellow with black MAX lettering. Like a magnet, the barricade attracted so many wiggling fans, including myself. Through the eye of my lens, I could see that every step he took across the stage was deliberate, as if he was savoring the energy of the moment. His outfit was incredibly stylish and his smile was the epitome of charming. He was decked out in bright orange pants, an abstract Rothko-esque tricolored nylon top that hugged at his biceps, white kicks, and black crescent moon shaped glasses. Within seconds of arriving at the center of the stage, he leapt into his first pop song. I knew that he was going to be an energetic performer, but wow, my shutter speed could not keep up with him! He was high kicking, spinning, jumping, dancing, all while maintaining a focused vocal range, pitch and tone. Many of the songs on his forthcoming studio album, spread a message of being true to who you are, wearing what you want, loving who you want, and creating a safe space where everyone can feel accepted. The heartfelt anthem, "Lights Down Low," was his breakout hit, garnering millions of streams and, according to Yahoo News, has become a universal expression of love. MAX says that he wrote ‘Lights Down Low’ soon after he began dating a woman named Emily. “And I knew I was just gonna write a song that I wanted for her,” he confesses. “I just wanted to dedicate something to her. I just knew she was it, and I knew I was gonna marry her. It was wild. I just literally knew.” In fact, he proposed to her by singing it. Love takes center stage in every aspect of his artistry. From his heartfelt lyrics to his electrifying performance and genuine dedication to connecting with his fans. At the end of his set, he announced that he would be at the merch booth signing autographs. In my experience, when a band makes this promise, it is met with a laissez faire audience response, but not here. Within seconds, young people were flying towards the merch booth. The line formed screaming fast, extending almost back to the stage and I was floored by how quickly Max appeared. Within seconds of announcing the autograph session, he magically jumped onto the merch table, waving to his adoring fans. After a quick towel off, (he was dripping with sweat), he began signing autographs one by one. I stood in line with his fans, giddy as hell. The excitement to see a pop star up close is adrenalizing. Being amongst the hoards of happy fans made me feel so young, carefree, and alive. It’s wild how cute boys, energetic music, and new friends can have this effect. As I made my way back towards the stage to prepare for the headline performance, MAX and two bodyguards zoomed past me with a trail of excited girls in hot pursuit. It was a sight to behold. I had no idea what to expect when getting ready for Big Time Rush (BTR). When the venue went dark and spotlights beamed down onto an LED paneled platform, silhouettes of the singers wearing matching outfits gradually ascended from beneath the stage. That’s when I knew I was in for a boy band ride. In a “Star Trek”-like formation, they stood together, beaming with gratitude, the crowd’s anticipation mounting like the Second Coming. I zoomed in to get a closer look at the guy and was sucked in by Logan Henderson's celestial dimples. Swoon. A hot boy serenade is enough to send you to the moon! With the drop of the booming beat, the band exploded into a choreographed dance, and when the smoke machine blew off, I climaxed. The combination of documenting such an fun performance with my camera, the unbridled energy of the fans, and my proximity to the band, made me positively euphoric. I let go and screamed full-throated my M***&^% face off. Who cares if I broke professional photographer protocol? It was absolutely cathartic to break into a new phase of love with such abandon.I was a teenager again screaming in support of love and possibilities. And, let’s be real, for hot guys singing to me! From dance rock hits to ballads, BTR covered the spectrum of love songs. I’m no expert on boy band culture, but in my opinion the band lived up to tradition and expectations. I mean, everyone was simply sublime. After a few songs in the pit, I made my way to the back of the amphitheater where lasers painted the night sky. I watched from afar a group of young people twirling to the show. It was as if the music had unlocked a hidden door for me, one that I haven’t walked through in years; where inside, innocence and open hearts dance freely. I fully acknowledge that I experienced this show through bubblegum-colored glasses, but we all know that the dark night of the soul through heartbreak is intense. So to have this new feeling felt dizzying. And The energy exchange between bands and fans was a rejuvenating reminder that love is meant to be playful, naive, and downright fun. With renewed enthusiasm, a newly thawed heart, and a reaffirmed belief in the power of music, I took a sizable, if trepidatious step forward to join the dancers, eager to embrace the potential of falling in love again, just like the kids these days. Special thanks to Danny Schneider, Nicole Rosiak and Jessica Peterson and to all the musicians in this episode for making music that lifts us up to where we belong. For more rockumentary podcasts exploring concert culture, listen and subscribe to Concert Cast on Itunes or wherever you listen to podcasts.
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